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Men’s Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

Valentines DFeb14ay, or as many of my guy friends like to call it, “Val the Destroyer,” is responsible for more breakups, night’s on the couch and withholding of ‘intimacy’ than any other date on the calendar.

But don’t despair.   Secrets of the Red Carpetis here to help you through this trying time.  Handled properly V-Day can be the source of enough boyfriend points to last you to, well, next Valentines Day. So…

Do this Now: take out your mobile device of choice and put an alarm on Feb. 14.

Then, set a reminder for 1day, 2days and one week before.  Set it to recur yearly from now until that year in the future when you no longer wish to get laid.

Then:  Make a dinner reservation.  Someplace nice.  If you don’t know what that means, ask if they use cloth napkins.








It’s doesn’t have to be a bank breaker but do NOT take her to a sports bar.








If you do and the night goes badly I WILL say I told you so.

Then:  Arrange for a token or tokens of your affection.  The Big Three are:








Flowers:  Have them delivered during the day to her place of work so there will be witnesses to your awesomeness.








Chocolate:   1) make sure she’s not allergic and 2) If she’s on a diet –or even if she’s not — make it small and precious.  A perfect chocolate dipped strawberry is a good choice.








Jewelry:   always welcome.  Here, it really is the thought that counts.








But a word of warning:  If you’re going to give her jewelry at dinner, make sure it’s not in a ring shaped box.  This sets up an expectation that will backfire badly, unless of course you’re proposing marriage.












To top the evening off, or get it going, nothing says lovin’ like lingerie.  Ferret out her size and if you’re not sure on styling, get advice.

To show my appreciation and save you some time, I’ve put together a package of Valentine’s Basics that work all year long.   Go to and preserve your domestic tranquility.

Go out, conquer and enjoy your Valentine’s Day in whatever form it takes you!

To get more of Luke’s fabulous fashion advice be sure to check him out On Demand  at  Here’s a little taste:

One Comment

  • Posted February 14, 2013 at 12:35 am | Permalink

    Um, guys, these tips only work if you want a girl who wants your money.

    Here’s the tip for real love:
    If she likes sports, then, hell yeah a sports bar is perfect. Find a good game, get a good seat, and share finger food.
    If she likes live music, take her to see / hear it. Even Rush. Yes, it’s true. Smart women love Rush.
    Flowers —- “here, honey, as a symbol of my love for you, I hacked a living being to death, and now you can watch it wilt and die.” If that’s her idea of romantic…. Well, it foreshadows a lot.
    Same with jewelry. If she wants a rock that can be used to cut things, that’s creepy. Diamonds belong on turntables. Bling belongs on whores. Your pick.

    Just saying. If she really likes you, she’ll prefer being alone, with privacy – and lingerie probably won’t be necessary.

    HappyValentine’s Day!

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